Wildflower in the Wind

before and after

I am amazed, impressed, and happy. To look now at the before photo of my feet and what they were for so long, it is strange, and gross! I am so happy that I had the bunion surgery. I am 6 weeks from the first surgery, and three weeks from the second. My first foot is doing great, and the second one is getting there- still tender and not really flexing, but slowly but surely it is coming along.
I am looking forward to wearing some nice shoes, without having to compensate for ugly bunions- nice sandals, and more. I will be getting my ski boots tweaked alot to fix them for the new shape of my foot. Skiing should be alot less painful next winter. Yeah!!
I am certainly happy that I didn’t get swayed by all of the horror stories of bunion surgeries! Great surgeons exist, and my physical therapist is really wonderful too. How nice to have a good base to stand on.

post-op

Four days post- op, this foot looks better than the other one did at the same time. Notice the left foot, which is now 3 1/2 weeks out, is looking pretty damn good! My physical therapist is encouraging, and says my left foot is making good progress. I have no pain in it, and can walk pretty well, with a slip on sneaker. My right foot however, is still quite multi-colored, and is painful. If I don’t stay off of it, I need to take more pain killers, and it feels like there is alot of pressure in it, and it throbs… painfully. I have most of the sensation back in the first foot, but have not got much in the right toe at all.
overall, I am happy with the whole thing, but now going stir crazy with not being able to drive. I bagged using the crutches 2 yesterday. was just ‘done’. I am still wearing the surgical shoe though. and still tired alot.
can’t wait to have the second one feeling as good as the first one now does!

3 weeks out

Looking pretty good after 3 weeks. These photos are just before leaving to go get the right foot done. I’m feeling really good about walking on the left one now, and have some great mule sneakers that I have been wearing for 3 days now! Yeah!!! but then will be out of commission for a few days again.
Hoping the progress for the second foot is equally as speedy as the first. My Physical Therapist says I am making really good progress and that the swelling has gone down a bunch since last week even.

prepping

today is the yucky day.. the prep day….. tomorrow I get to lie down, strip naked, have them check out my whole colon and make sure they remove anything that might turn cancerous. Do I like it? No, of course not…. but…..

I consider it wonderful that I have the opportunity to have a colonoscopy done every year. I had colon cancer. I caught it early. I am fine. My sweet friend Julie was not so lucky and she died from her colon cancer only a year and a half after finding out she had it. She left behind her two boys, then aged 10 and 14. She was a few days shy of her 40th birthday. I had Eli just days after she died. Poor little boy was born to a grieving mom.

I had been with Julie for the year and a half before she died, helping her with all sorts of things on a daily basis, so she could spend her time and energy enjoying what she had left. I did laundry, groceries, and more. I made lunches for her and friends who stopped by to spend time with her. But funny, in hindsight, she and I never really talked about her cancer and how she felt about it. Sure, I took her to get her a wig, and we laughed as she made fun of my huge round belly, and I poked fun at her bald head. I remember us laughing together as I tried on maternity things that day. But we never really talked about it. I think maybe it was that she could just be ‘Julie’ with me, and not ‘Julie with cancer’. She dwelled on my pregnancy. She was the first (after Adam) to know. She bought me a little pink rose that day. God I miss her.

She died about 2 weeks after she made me take time off since I was due in about 2 weeks. I was sad. So incredibly sad. And I had wanted so badly for her to be able to hold my baby. A friend told me that perhaps she was getting her chance to hold my baby up in heaven before he came to me. That helped. But I still cried. Alot. Finally I went into labor…. all 35 hours of it. Yuck. And then an emergency C-section. But Eli finally came out. And I found out later that he was born right during the memorial service for Julie. Odd how things happen. He was born the day after her birthday when she would have been 40.

So then my life went on, and I still missed Julie terribly. Then a year later, a month after little Eli had his first birthday, I was diagnosed with colon cancer! WHAT!!!???!!! Me? Why had I never talked to Julie about it? Was I going to die in a year and a half too? So many things went through my head.

I had my surgery on April Fool’s Day. I had a colon resection and was woozy and out of it for a few days. Adam brought my little Eli to visit me in the hospital a few times. I loved seeing him, and he was fascinated with my ‘zipper’ of staples that went up my belly where they had cut me open. I soon learned that the cancer hadn’t matastisized and I would not need any further treatment! Yeah!!! Sure, I had lots of tests for a long time after to make sure I was clear and check my CEA levels, etc. But I was going to be okay.

And I still am. 9 years later, and past 40 that my sweet Julie never saw. I need to have a colonoscopy every year. so what. I am glad that they keep me clear of cancer. For those of you who should have a colonoscopy and are putting it off….. don’t. It isn’t worth it. It is yucky to prep for it. Yes. But it is ONE DAY. get over it. (oh, and when you do the prep- make sure to BLOT don’t wipe…. your hiney isn’t used to being wiped so much! you will be glad you blotted)

Tomorrow I will be done, and look forward to eating something soothing when I am done. Perhaps a simple bowl of rice to start. Not sure. Maybe a big old baked potato. Then I have a whole year to enjoy before having the chance to do it again. But for now…….. I’m off to the loo………

Ayurveda

I am learning to live a bit by the idea and principles (and food) of ayurveda, and it feels right. Ayurveda is intriguing and ancient and seems to be right. I have become a vegetarian (mostly) as of a few months ago, and every step I have taken that seems to move me, seems right. I am evolving. Last week I cut my hair (about 6″ off the length- and has lots of layers) and it feels more playful and fun. I feel like I am coming out of my shell, that has sheltered me well for so long.

Fall always feels like new beginnings to me, and I know in certain cultures and religions that it is. I love fall for that reason and more. I love the change in the colors, the cool yet warm air, the desire for cozy food and clothes, and curling up. I love that the days are still long enough to enjoy going for barefoot walks with Eli after supper. I feel more alive in the fall.

Somehow I feel like I am moving forward and making progress on figuring out the direction my life is to take. I don’t know what exactly it is yet (or where), but I do feel like some of the pieces of the puzzle are going in to place. I would love to see the whole picture that is the puzzle, but I am learning patience too.

For the time being, I am getting more grounded in my awareness of what I need. I am enjoying the sunshine and warmth that has been around lately, physically and mentally.